(no subject)

[wickedflea]

For Joy! The Reflector has started posting on their website my favorite part of the paper -- Bad Dogs. (This was formerly known as Campus Crime; neither of these names is particularly accurate, for the police blotter always features entries like "Student reported having a seizure on the second floor of Allen Hall." It is kind of funny to think about a seizure victim being called a criminal or a bad dog, though.)

Yes, for many years I have enjoyed such delicious morsels of campus nuttiness as "Student reported harassing phone calls from her mother" and "Domino's Pizza delivery person reported being assaulted with eggs at Suttle Hall." Imagine my joy when I became assistant news editor at The Reflector and it fell to me to type these entries into Pagemaker and lovingly arrange them on page two. Finally I had privileged access to reports of fraternity hijinks and epilectic fits. I knew before anyone else that pornographic magazines had been discovered in one of the men's rooms in Lee Hall. If I thought that "Student reported bookbag missing from the library" was not as newsworthy as "Police Department reported three bicycles stolen from Police Department basement," then that's just the sort of crucial decision that I had the power to make. When 10 a.m. on Monday or Thursday came and I hadn't received the fax of the crime report from Melanie at the Police Department, I didn't hesitate to get her lazy ass on the phone and insist on the press' right to public information. I was just that dedicated to my job.

The best crime-report entry that ever came across my desk was this:

Officer was riding his bike by Colvard Union when he hit uneven pavement and was hit in the eye by the mechanical arm and fell from his bike.

It took me forever to figure out what the mechanical arm was. I was asking other people in the office if they thought it might be the same mechanical arm that kept slapping me around all the time.

Comments

[buscemi.livejournal.com]

It took me forever to figure out what the mechanical arm was. I was asking other people in the office if they thought it might be the same mechanical arm that kept slapping me around all the time.

>>Heh. Did it have a boxing glove at the end?

Re:

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

That's the one! It's hounded me for years...

[lunchboxface.livejournal.com]

Ah yes, the cruel mechanical arm of fate. I know it well.

Re:

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

If only somehow I could persuade it to join me, I'd rule the world. As it is, though, I just keep getting my ass beat.

[trivial-things.livejournal.com]

After much throught on the matter, I finally figured out after waking from a dream in the middle of the night last night what the mechanical arm is. It has the be the arm(s) that prevent cars from driving over the sidewalk that connects Lee Hall to the Cafeteria. The arms raise for the shuttles to go by, but not bike police :). Now that I've figured it out, the thought is even funnier.

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

Yep, you got it! Bike cops, huh huh huh...

Hey, I think we had German 3 together a couple (few) years ago... Blaney? Maybe like '98?

[trivial-things.livejournal.com]

I can't say for sure. I was in German III twice. The second time wasn't Blaney and the first time didn't last but a few days. However, since you had German III when you did, its very possible that we had German I or II together. I took both during a summer (I forget which).

Its also possible we had another class together somewhere along the way.