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wickedfleaI usually don't remember dreams very well, but several years ago I had a memorable one that still makes me laugh.
My grandmother was cooking Sunday dinner -- lots of wonderful fried stuff, mashed potatoes, fresh vegetables, the whole deal. But there weren't many people there; it was just me, her, and some dude. I think I was supposed to know him from somewhere, like work or school, and Grandmother had somehow asked him over for dinner. But I didn't know him that well, and he wasn't really a friend, so it was a little weird. So we're eating, and the guy is making small talk. And every once in a while he asks her something about the meal. He's asking very politely, but the questions are still kind of freaky.
"These green beans -- are they fresh, or out of a can?"
"Oh no, they're fresh," Grandmother says.
"This cornbread -- is is from scratch, or from a mix?" he asks.
"Oh, it's from scratch. I've been making cornbread all my life, you know."
And the whole time I'm thinking, geez, man, what's wrong with you? Pretty soon I'm just ignoring the guy, because it doesn't seem to be bothering Grandmother and I don't want to cause a scene. But then he reached to his mouth after taking a bite of corn-on-the-cob and pulled out a silk or whatever it is you call those stringy things from the husk of corn. And then he says:
"This hair -- corn or penis?"
"Corn," Grandmother politely answers.
I sat there for three seconds replaying what he'd said and finally spat out "JE-sus!" (As in Jesus Christ, I can't be-LIEVE this guy!) And that's pretty much where the dream ended.
So to this day when we have corn-on-the-cob at Grandmother's house, someone inevitably starts laughing for no apparent reason in the middle of the meal and asks me to tell the story again of that crazy dream I had.
My grandmother was cooking Sunday dinner -- lots of wonderful fried stuff, mashed potatoes, fresh vegetables, the whole deal. But there weren't many people there; it was just me, her, and some dude. I think I was supposed to know him from somewhere, like work or school, and Grandmother had somehow asked him over for dinner. But I didn't know him that well, and he wasn't really a friend, so it was a little weird. So we're eating, and the guy is making small talk. And every once in a while he asks her something about the meal. He's asking very politely, but the questions are still kind of freaky.
"These green beans -- are they fresh, or out of a can?"
"Oh no, they're fresh," Grandmother says.
"This cornbread -- is is from scratch, or from a mix?" he asks.
"Oh, it's from scratch. I've been making cornbread all my life, you know."
And the whole time I'm thinking, geez, man, what's wrong with you? Pretty soon I'm just ignoring the guy, because it doesn't seem to be bothering Grandmother and I don't want to cause a scene. But then he reached to his mouth after taking a bite of corn-on-the-cob and pulled out a silk or whatever it is you call those stringy things from the husk of corn. And then he says:
"This hair -- corn or penis?"
"Corn," Grandmother politely answers.
I sat there for three seconds replaying what he'd said and finally spat out "JE-sus!" (As in Jesus Christ, I can't be-LIEVE this guy!) And that's pretty much where the dream ended.
So to this day when we have corn-on-the-cob at Grandmother's house, someone inevitably starts laughing for no apparent reason in the middle of the meal and asks me to tell the story again of that crazy dream I had.
