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Jul. 8th, 2004 11:42 amCraaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy dreams lately. The other night either I dreamed that I was Andy Griffith or my dream was like a movie starring Andy Griffith that I was watching. I dunno. I don't usually dream that I'm someone else, yet neither do I usually have dreams where I'm a spectator and not a participant. Anyway, in this dream Andy was trying to show my mother the proper way to extract this huge tree root from the ground. He showed her how to use some kind of machinery, and soon they'd yanked it out. But then they realized they'd uprooted some kind of special tree that was the signature tree of the mountain they were on. Or something. Andy was really freaking out for a minute thinking they were going to have to pay a killer fine, but then a forest ranger came up and said it wasn't nothin' but a thang--they could just put the "signature tree" plaque on another tree.
The one last night was just scary. It was like armageddon--something really horrible had happened to all the world's major cities. Not sure what, but some kind of apocalyptic strike--and it wasn't clear who'd done it. Might have been terrorists, might have been astro zombies. So everybody was outside freaking out, and of course I happened to be where the president was giving his address. All he succeeded in doing was scaring some more shit out of everyone. Finally his aides told him they thought it was safe for him to leave, so he climbed into a helicopter, only for it to flip over on takeoff. Next thing I remember was being in some kind of a church. (Hey, everybody's gotta be somewhere, right?) And there was some sort of miracle that appeared to have happened, but soon it became clear that it was only a joke perpetrated by . . . whomever was responsible for all the shit going down in the first place. But then there were like waterfalls that showed up on each side of the church, and people started calling for me to "go to the water" because I was the closest one to it. So what the hell, I figured, and touched the water. But it wasn't water--it was some kind of sticky glop--ya know that glop?--that you could stick to, and I found that I could climb up it. People started following me, and the dude behind me was preaching like a madman--go to the water, cleanse our sins, give it up for J-dog, etc. etc. Well, I got to the top of the waterfall and there was a corridor leading somewhere. But I didn't go down it because I saw some graffiti on the wall reading "SUCK IT." I thought, this is a joke, man, I'm not down with this. What kind of miracle features a "SUCK IT" sign? So I started to go back down, and right about that time the dude who had been behind me started yelling even louder: "It's true! It's true! How could it not be true with Jesus standing right out there?" I looked to where he was pointing and out on a stage was some freak wearing a robe, doing a funk dance, and swilling from a bottle of whiskey. "Dude, I don't think that's Jesus," I said, and got on my way.
That's about the time when I had to empty my bladder. I always have the craziest dreams when I have to whizz.
Is it possible to mainline coffee?
The one last night was just scary. It was like armageddon--something really horrible had happened to all the world's major cities. Not sure what, but some kind of apocalyptic strike--and it wasn't clear who'd done it. Might have been terrorists, might have been astro zombies. So everybody was outside freaking out, and of course I happened to be where the president was giving his address. All he succeeded in doing was scaring some more shit out of everyone. Finally his aides told him they thought it was safe for him to leave, so he climbed into a helicopter, only for it to flip over on takeoff. Next thing I remember was being in some kind of a church. (Hey, everybody's gotta be somewhere, right?) And there was some sort of miracle that appeared to have happened, but soon it became clear that it was only a joke perpetrated by . . . whomever was responsible for all the shit going down in the first place. But then there were like waterfalls that showed up on each side of the church, and people started calling for me to "go to the water" because I was the closest one to it. So what the hell, I figured, and touched the water. But it wasn't water--it was some kind of sticky glop--ya know that glop?--that you could stick to, and I found that I could climb up it. People started following me, and the dude behind me was preaching like a madman--go to the water, cleanse our sins, give it up for J-dog, etc. etc. Well, I got to the top of the waterfall and there was a corridor leading somewhere. But I didn't go down it because I saw some graffiti on the wall reading "SUCK IT." I thought, this is a joke, man, I'm not down with this. What kind of miracle features a "SUCK IT" sign? So I started to go back down, and right about that time the dude who had been behind me started yelling even louder: "It's true! It's true! How could it not be true with Jesus standing right out there?" I looked to where he was pointing and out on a stage was some freak wearing a robe, doing a funk dance, and swilling from a bottle of whiskey. "Dude, I don't think that's Jesus," I said, and got on my way.
That's about the time when I had to empty my bladder. I always have the craziest dreams when I have to whizz.
Is it possible to mainline coffee?
