wickedflea | (no subject)

Today I was thinking about the time when my stepbrother Fool, about 17 at the time, got a perm. I'd pay some serious money to have a picture of that. He had this dirty blonde hair, and when he permed it, it looked like curly vomit. I guess he was trying to look like Rikki Pocket Rockett or something, but it was NOT happening. We ragged the shit out of him about that.

Then there was his confrontation with L.D. White. L.D. was this crazy guy who went to high school with us. He had this crazy afro and a high-pitched voice that sounded like some kind of Muppet on helium. He'd do insane shit like stand right by the street and throw rocks at cars, practically daring the drivers to stop and say something. Another time, Ms. Fleming walked by us in the office, and L.D. threw himself up against the wall and wailed, "You better watch out, SHE'S BIG!" Anyway, Fool was in the habit of stealing ice-cream bars from the cafeteria. He'd get them out of the little freezer and just walk away without paying. So we told L.D.: "Hey man, that's not right! He's taking ice-cream bars that YOU could be stealing!" And sure enough, that made L.D. very angry. He went right out into the schoolyard, found Fool, and said in that goofy voice, "You been stealin' ice-cream bars, man?" Fool stammered, "What?" and L.D. slapped the FUCK out of him. I'll probably go to hell for laughing at that kind of thing, but I can't help it. I was KILLING myself laughing, and I'm sitting here laughing out loud as I type this. You would probably have to know L.D. and Fool to get the full effect; their personalities made the whole thing perfect. It wouldn't have been quite the same if it had been, say, Lonzie and Grimmett. Anyway, we ragged Fool about that too. "Hey, remember when L.D. beat you down, John? Why didn't you hit him back?" He'd always say, "I'm not gonna hit a retarded guy, man!"

We also gave dude a lot of grief for his bicycle accident. Somehow he skidded in some rocks as he was turning a corner, wiped out, and managed to break his collarbone and tear his Achilles heel. I'd say, "Fool, man, how do you fuck up parts on two different ends of your body? You must have run into a stop sign--there's no other way. Dude, you hit a SIGN."

So yeah, all that is probably why Fool and I have such a tender relationship to this day.