wickedflea | (no subject)

Lonzie had a funny habit at the BK we worked at. When he saw a girl bending over (usually a girl with a big ass), he'd sprint over, get behind her, and madly hump the air. You'd have to see this dude. He was a tall, gangly guy, and when he went into his humping frenzy, he'd close his lips tightly, make a determined face, and pump his arm up and down like he was really getting it getting it good like WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM. He was pretty good about stopping right before the girls straightened up, though he did get caught a few times. But he was pretty selective; none of the girls he ever air-humped really cared what that fool did.

I hadn't thought of that in years--until a couple of months ago when I saw a woman bent over in the grocery store. All of a sudden, there came the memory, and I thought, "What Would Lonzie Do?" And there I was next to the arugula, laughing my monkey ass off.

Then there was the time Lonzie got slip in his mouth. We were doing ceramics in shop class, and somehow (don't ask me) all of a sudden Lonzie had a mouthful of slip (the mud-like stuff that you pour into the mold). You haven't lived until you've seen Lonzie Nichols dripping mud from his mouth and trying to talk: "BRAWWWGGGH I GOT SLIP IM MY MOUFFF . . ." It sorta looked like something out of a zombie flick.

Yes, I took shop class one year. But it was called "industrial arts" at my school.