(no subject)

[wickedflea]

To: chris@chrisheller.net
Subject: random birthday searches

hi chris-
so, you are either thinking right now, who is this random girl emailing
me OR hey, i think i knew this girl evonne in another life (and why is
she emailing me).

if it's the first and you're not the chris heller i met maybe 10 years
ago in arizona, then you can delete this, or read on in curiousity...

tonight is the eve of my 32nd birthday and i have been (as i often am
on birthdays) in a pensive, retrospective mindset about my life.
probably fairly typical, and not worth going into...but around 1am i
found in my closet several letters that you wrote me when we first met
and you had stayed on in arizona. they totally moved me (as they often
have throughout the years when randomly, i'll search back through
journals and books, reading in an attempt probably to see how far i
have grown up, even when in the moment, i can't always feel it).

but your words always sounded so true and safe. i had this urge to find
out how you were doing...and then a modern thought occurred to me:
internet.

i came across your site and have been reading through it for a bit and
i'm pretty sure this is you. i can tell by the voice, the humor, the
intelligence, the music and the hunter s. thompson.

like i said, if you don't know me, then it's your lucky random email
day and you can tell all your friends some crazy girl emailed you a
whole deep birthday story.

but i hope this is you. and i just wanted to say hi and make sure you
are ok. and to thank you for some of the most beautiful and honest
letters i've ever received.

xx,
evonne

I seem to have affected this girl's life profoundly--except for the fact that I've never been to Arizona. But I can't help wondering what would happen if I replied: "Yes. YES. That's me, all right! And I must tell you . . . I long for you. Now HAVE ME. Have me, I'm a love albatross!" Certainly I can exploit this case of mistaken identity for some ass, no?

I do wonder who this cat is she's talking about. Is it possible that some imposter is running around? Who the heck would want to be me?

Comments

[blackhellkat.livejournal.com]

Damn I shoulda ponyed up the dough for the Young Ones set with full Bottom!

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

Most definitely! You can get it separately, too. Buy it, rent it from Netflix, steal it--everyone should see this show!

[blackhellkat.livejournal.com]

I'm still hoping they decide to put Bad News on DVD.

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

I know! I was just looking for that yesterday. I can't believe it's not on yet!

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

Yeah, she actually does! At the bottom of her e-mail was a link to an underground film shop that she runs up in Boston.

[goatsupreme.livejournal.com]

I'm a love albatross!

YOU HAVE TO REPLY TO HER.

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

And I shall! I just have to craft the proper words.

[dj-daeva.livejournal.com]

Who the heck would want to be me?

WHOEVER WANTS TO GET IN THIS GIRLS PANTS



giggity giggity!

<3

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

boom chicka BOW

[ex-thebellja885.livejournal.com]

omfug
your life is a movie, heller.
I am once again left befuddled and amused and pretty much speechless.

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

This does have the makings of some sort of screwball romantic comedy. It could star Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore. They'd spend a while reminiscing about things he'd never done, they'd fall in love, he'd try to keep up the ruse, 3/4 of the way through the movie she'd find him out and glove-slap the balls off him, but finally she'd come running back because YOU JUST CAN'T DENY LOVE, DAMN YOU.

[saying-things.livejournal.com]

That's really cool. Someone with your name and your style and even your literary and musical tastes was running around the other side of the country ten years ago writing beautiful letters to intelligent women. You lucked out on the Doppelganger thing. I heard mine's a crack addict in NYC who eats pigeons raw.

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

Connoisseurs know that raw is the only way to eat pigeon.

[saying-things.livejournal.com]

Well, that's the difference between my Doppelganger and me, I guess. I like them rotisserie style.

"My Doppelganger And Me" sounds like a Saturday morning show from 1984.

[wickedqueen.livejournal.com]

Dude, this is your lucky random email WEEK!

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

F'real! I wonder what it's going to be next. I just hope I don't get something from the FBI or the Draft Board.

[hauntedskipper.livejournal.com]

Most likely another advert for sucking penises through pizzas.

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHA! Somewhere recently I saw a mention of a Glory Holes for Sausage (or whatever that site was called) DVD. They've hit the big time!

[lemmons.livejournal.com]

I dunno, if that were me...I'd be suspicious of everyone I knew thinking, who's fuckin' with me!

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm, good thought! But she sent a link to her business and appears to be legit.

Really, though, the more I think of it, I'll bet it's the nefarious thebelljar.

[lemmons.livejournal.com]

Yup yup, my first thought too, cuz you know she ain't got shit going on this week. Not a damn thing! Nothing but free time on her hands.

Nefarious...good word.

[ex-thebellja885.livejournal.com]

I love you.

[lemmons.livejournal.com]

Back at ya and a little on the side!

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

that's hot

in the immortal words of Eddie Murphy "It wasn't me"

[ex-thebellja885.livejournal.com]

hey! :p

Re: in the immortal words of Eddie Murphy "It wasn't me"

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

C'mon, you know it was you. The Vlad thing really got ya, didn't it?

[lastcallforcorn.livejournal.com]

how fun is that! it's like a message in a bottle!

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

It is! Her e-mail is so interesting that I'm actually kinda bummed that it's not me!

[buscemi.livejournal.com]

What's with all these random people sending you email all of a sudden? Hm.

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

I know, it's crazy! I'm going to be disappointed if it doesn't continue all week.

[katesutor.livejournal.com]

That was a very interesting e-mail. Serendipitous in fact. Definitely something I'd pursue. Try to find more out about it... what could it hurt?