(no subject)

[wickedflea]

You ever see those women in the grocery store who . . . well, they're kinda like soccer moms, only their kids are toddlers. They push their kids through the store in their carts, and they're just very . . . public, like "LOOK, everyone, I'm mothering my ass off! I'm imparting life lessons unto my child right here in the frozen-food aisle!" They're all, "No, Taylor, we shouldn't get those Cocoa Puffs--you know they're high in sugar and low in nutritional content." Nothing wrong with that, I guess, but this certain type of woman I'm talking about, it's like they're performing for the benefit of everyone in the store. My mom first pointed out this type to me, and now I notice them all the time.

Anyway, tonight I was in Publix. I was walking through the little discount section they have right near the front of the store, and there's this lady next to me with two toddlers in her cart. Somehow I knew she was one of Them. One of her kids was flipping the fuck out, gnashing her teeth and shaking her fists like she'd been wronged by the world and she wanted revenge. And her mom said: "Oh, Sophia, I'm sorry you feel that way! But look! Look at what they have here! They have all kinds of stuff . . . they have Hamburger Helper, and . . ."

Dude. I try not to laff at people in public, especially when I don't even know them, but something about that just hit me right in the funny place. Lady's trying to comfort her kid with the sight of Hamburger Helper boxes! I guffawed right there, oh yes I did.

Hell, though--what do I know? If I had a screaming three-year-old, I'd probably be trying everything I could, too. "LOOK, Wackel! PORK RINDS! CHEAP WINE, Wackel! Please stop crying . . ."

Comments

[buscemi.livejournal.com]

Hee! I've seen my share of people like that in stores, too. I remember thinking, "Yeah, like a 3-year old understands all those 20-dollar words?"

"Look, wine in a box!" (I actually did see that in Whole Foods the other night. I thought they were juice boxes at first.)

Maybe the kid has one of those Hamburger Helper plush toys? (Of the hand logo, that is. Plush hamburger just sounds odd.)

[(Anonymous)]

I suppose I'm this type of mother. Iggy and I sing Christmas Carols while we shop and it is all very public. Does your Mom think that's uppity or something? Or that sort of public chipperness with your child is patently fake?

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

Oh, I didn't think about the hand guy! Maybe that was it.

Yeah, I keep hearing people talking about wine in a box--usually they're saying, "No, really, it's not that bad!" I dunno. All wine is overrated to me. =)

[sydelbow.livejournal.com]

i choked on my lucky charms

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

I was worried someone would take that the wrong way. No, not at all--it's sort of hard to explain, though. With this very particular type I'm talking about, it's almost like they're going through the motions for the benefit of everyone else--like, OK, I'm going into Mom mode! I'm not talking about all moms who show genuine affection for their kids in public or elsewhere--I got mad respect and admiration for y'all.

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

ZOMG WASH IT DOWN WITH SOME RIPPLE

[buscemi.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm not much for wine, either. That reminds me of when I was with my folks a while back. We were looking at some menu in a restaurant window and mom said, "What's Mer-LOT?" Naturally, I made some Beverly Hillbillies references. "Hey, they got Caber-net and Chab-bliss!" ;)

[lastcallforcorn.livejournal.com]

"LOOK, everyone, I'm mothering my ass off!"

BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! i know these people all too well. luckily, i don't run into them as much out here as i did back home (because everyone here is like, "look, everyone, i'm alterna-mothering my hemp off!"), but it was a show everywhere i went back in americrust. get a group of them together, and it was damn near unbearable.

i agree with you here, too: "I'm not talking about all moms who show genuine affection for their kids in public or elsewhere--I got mad respect and admiration for y'all." and really, it's hard to fault anyone for being a parent to their child, but i know exactly the display of which you speak.

also, "wackel" nearly made me cry...

[universalhum.livejournal.com]

Just to play the devil's advocate - probaby because I'm a lousy judge of character and give everyone the benefit of the doubt - but you never know, those moms might be genuine! I'm all the time telling my little three year old what is good food and what is bad food and which foods are all boxed up to look fancy but are all full of chemicals, and I'm not doing it for anyone but my kid. She falls for all that marketing hook, line and sinker. And moms kind of tend to talk loudly just to be heard.

The Hamburger Helper though - that's a hoot! I can totally relate to that desperation where you're trying to calm a tantrum with any means available!

[jdawgspi.livejournal.com]

I was in line at the sto' the other day and a lady was in front of me buying lots of spendy organic things and such, and shopping with a little girl named Amelia (I tell you in sec how I know that) who kept calling her "Mom." Now, this lady was clearly, easily old enough to be Amelia's grandmother, but, you know, some people adopt kids late in life, etc. But the "mom" was being so f'ng obnoxious micro-managing every single little motion Amelia made, while she was being very helpful putting the groceries on the counter for her geriatric mother, and I swear she said "Amelia, honey, what are you doing? We don't do blah blah blah blah..." at least 60 times in the two minutes it took to ring up her groceries.

I wanted to strangle her, but then I got to feeling very sorry for Amelia with her post-hippie control-freak mother who she'll probably have to visit in the nursing home on her breaks at college.

Anywho.

Word.

[mellancholie.livejournal.com]

wackel. that is a great name.

[localilo.livejournal.com]

oh boy- I am laughing my ass off because my mother pointed out the same thing to me recently.
Its like they take the stroller and put the kid right in front of you so you feel obligated to say how cute the kid is.
I've been a mom for about 2 weeks now and I try not to make any eye contact with people when I carry him somewhere...because I know the questions will start and it means I have to have a conversation.

someone shoot me if I become ONE OF THEM!

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

alterna-mothering my hemp off

LOLOLOLOL

I actually used to work with a dude named Wackel! I think that's my favorite name ever, except maybe for Lonzie.

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

I'm sure a lot of 'em are genuine--I'm just a cantankerous old fug. ;)

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

Poor Amelia. :(

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

I think so, too. If I ever actually do have a son, I'm gonna have a really hard time not naming him Wackel!

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

HAHAHA, I think you're safe--you know the type, so you know how not to be. ;)

[nationofsheep.livejournal.com]

LOL. I've actually distracted Iggy from a fit with People magazine. "Hey look Brad and Jennifer are getting divorced Iggy. Who's fault is it?"

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha, nice!! "Iggy, look, the Weekly World News! Bat Boy is in the White House!"

[nationofsheep.livejournal.com]

Redirection rules!

[here2bsilly.livejournal.com]

Wackel? hehehe I love you man.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPmYbP0F4Zw

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHA, awesome! And I thought the Chicken Dance at weddings was weird. :D