geez

That guy who busted through security and caused the Atlanta airport to be shut down the other day was rushing so he wouldn't miss his plane. He was headed to the Georgia/Ole Miss football game in Oxford, MS.

That's college football in the South, baby -- serious business. ;) That dude probably feels like he's the aggrieved party.

Perhaps that's what's been missing from my life these past few weeks -- the bloodthirsty zeal that you see down South around this time of year. ;)

(no subject)

As I stepped out from work tonight, some dude was crossing the street, headed straight for me in front of all kinds of traffic, with a fucking scythe in his hands. I almost shit when he bellowed, "Thank you, JESUS!"

OK, I soon determined that it probably wasn't a scythe, though I still don't know what it was -- some kind of big wooden semicircle thing. Still scared the shit out of me, though.

Those religious street freaks always, well, freak me out. Every time I've seen one of those guys lugging a huge cross down the street (about three times, I guess), I've almost broken my neck and wrecked the car.

In a way, it would be cool to be that fanatical about something. It would certainly give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning. "Holy shit, it's almost 8:00! I've got to get downtown and start accosting people for God!"

I've never been able to get that worked up about anything. By the time I get the cross strapped to my back, I'm ready to go back inside again. I'm more like the guy I saw on the park bench the other day. To no one in particular, he growled in this beautifully world-weary, gravelly voice, "I'm gon' sit right here 'til I find some righteousness." I thought, right on, brother -- preach on.

If I ever did become a fanatic, however, I think it would have to be for something a bit off-the-wall, like the Everlasting Gospel of the Pomegranate, or the Insidious Horror of Artificial Fragrance. I might even take a page from Wise Blood and witness for the Church of Christ Without Christ. I mean, shit, if you're going to be on the fringe, then get right out there on the fringe.

As a side note, I have this vague memory of Linus going door to door in his neighborhood spreading the word about the Great Pumpkin. He had someone in tow -- probably either Sally or Snoopy -- and he was very concerned over whether they had brought the tracts. "Do you have the tracts? Where are the tracts?" That kills me. The tracts. ;) Proof once again that it all comes back to Peanuts.

(no subject)

Louisville, KY--A press conference deteriorated into an embarrassing display of juvenile name-calling today as Secretary of State Colin Powell referred to suspected terrorist Osama bin Laden as a "jerkoff." Powell also made several crude gestures before leaving the stage to a chorus of cheers.