(no subject)

[wickedflea]

As I stepped out from work tonight, some dude was crossing the street, headed straight for me in front of all kinds of traffic, with a fucking scythe in his hands. I almost shit when he bellowed, "Thank you, JESUS!"

OK, I soon determined that it probably wasn't a scythe, though I still don't know what it was -- some kind of big wooden semicircle thing. Still scared the shit out of me, though.

Those religious street freaks always, well, freak me out. Every time I've seen one of those guys lugging a huge cross down the street (about three times, I guess), I've almost broken my neck and wrecked the car.

In a way, it would be cool to be that fanatical about something. It would certainly give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning. "Holy shit, it's almost 8:00! I've got to get downtown and start accosting people for God!"

I've never been able to get that worked up about anything. By the time I get the cross strapped to my back, I'm ready to go back inside again. I'm more like the guy I saw on the park bench the other day. To no one in particular, he growled in this beautifully world-weary, gravelly voice, "I'm gon' sit right here 'til I find some righteousness." I thought, right on, brother -- preach on.

If I ever did become a fanatic, however, I think it would have to be for something a bit off-the-wall, like the Everlasting Gospel of the Pomegranate, or the Insidious Horror of Artificial Fragrance. I might even take a page from Wise Blood and witness for the Church of Christ Without Christ. I mean, shit, if you're going to be on the fringe, then get right out there on the fringe.

As a side note, I have this vague memory of Linus going door to door in his neighborhood spreading the word about the Great Pumpkin. He had someone in tow -- probably either Sally or Snoopy -- and he was very concerned over whether they had brought the tracts. "Do you have the tracts? Where are the tracts?" That kills me. The tracts. ;) Proof once again that it all comes back to Peanuts.

Comments

[acadiabaird.livejournal.com]

yes, it ALLLL comes back to the peanuts! you're right




oh, and PS, I'm losing it again, shtting bricks, you crack me up

Help me, Jeebus!

[buscemi.livejournal.com]

There were a couple Jesus freaks where I went to college. One was Brother Jed (or was it Jeb?) who would preach in the center of campus while the kids would sit on the grass looking disinterested. Once in a while, someone would argue with him, and I couldn't help but watch. The other group was made up of these guys who wore trench coats and handed out Gideon bibles. I think some had beards, which made me realize years later that it was probably the Brethren. They're one of those cults that says "You'll only go to heaven if you cut yourself off from the outside world. We're your REAL family now. BOOOWAHAHA! I mean, welcome!"