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Jan. 3rd, 2003
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Jan. 3rd, 2003 08:47 pmThere was a dude who went to my high school during my senior year who was named Charlie Brown. And yes, we gave him all the "blockhead" and "good grief" jokes. He walked around with his chest pumped up like someone had just jammed a picnic table up his ass, and we gave him shit about that too. Nobody knew where he had come from or anything about his parents, so given that and the fact that he looked about 30 and talked like a drill sergeant, everyone naturally assumed he was a narc. He never busted anybody, though, so maybe he was just a weird cat. But anyway, my friends and I didn't like him, so naturally we brought a bottle of white shoe polish to school one day and wrote "THE HUMAN HARD-ON" on his windshield. His stupid girlfriend cleaned it off before he had a chance to see it, though.
We were RUDE, man. We had nicknames for everyone. In fact, the same day we painted a couple of other windshields with their owners' nicknames. There was a lunchroom lady who we always called Man. Every time we went through her line, we'd say, "Thanks . . . MAN." Got hers. We had a sort-of-friend who hung out with us who had really wild, frizzy hair, so we called him Wolfman. Got his.
Man, there were a lot of nicknames. Bullet-head, Horse, Metal Whore, The Girl Who Doesn't Know Where She Is, Leatherface, Laughing Buddha, Stymie, Without Worth, Dog Dick, Oaf, Cooter, The Perverted Midget, Boing, Sproing, Shemp, Crumplestilskin, Bruce Dickinson, Bearded Lady, High Tide Mickey/Fool, Grimmett/.22/Greg "The Hammer" Valentine/Slimer, Doublebutt, Hormone, Sprout, Corn Flake, Scales, Sliced, Thang, Fool Times Two, Tits on a Stick, Googlysnag, Monogram, Coathead, Old Dirt, Sleeve, Elsie, Hicknerd, Lizzie Borden . . . and those are just the ones I can think of just off the top of my head. I could probably come up with a hundred more if I had my yearbook. And yes, I'm aware that I'm going to hell for some of these.
We were RUDE, man. We had nicknames for everyone. In fact, the same day we painted a couple of other windshields with their owners' nicknames. There was a lunchroom lady who we always called Man. Every time we went through her line, we'd say, "Thanks . . . MAN." Got hers. We had a sort-of-friend who hung out with us who had really wild, frizzy hair, so we called him Wolfman. Got his.
Man, there were a lot of nicknames. Bullet-head, Horse, Metal Whore, The Girl Who Doesn't Know Where She Is, Leatherface, Laughing Buddha, Stymie, Without Worth, Dog Dick, Oaf, Cooter, The Perverted Midget, Boing, Sproing, Shemp, Crumplestilskin, Bruce Dickinson, Bearded Lady, High Tide Mickey/Fool, Grimmett/.22/Greg "The Hammer" Valentine/Slimer, Doublebutt, Hormone, Sprout, Corn Flake, Scales, Sliced, Thang, Fool Times Two, Tits on a Stick, Googlysnag, Monogram, Coathead, Old Dirt, Sleeve, Elsie, Hicknerd, Lizzie Borden . . . and those are just the ones I can think of just off the top of my head. I could probably come up with a hundred more if I had my yearbook. And yes, I'm aware that I'm going to hell for some of these.