(no subject)

Yesterday at CVS I noticed a box of Phillies Strawberry Cigarillos. I had no idea.

There's snow all over the fuggin' place. I mean, on top of the snow that was already all over the fuggin' place. Snow is weird. I was looking at it this morning and thinking, what IS it?!? How does it form?!? And why is there so stinkin' MUCH of it?!? I didn't come up with any answers. Typical.

Last night I was trying to find an mp3 of "She Done Tore Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat." Didn't find one. I'm beginning to doubt that such a song was ever recorded.

How cool would it be if you could make all of your internal systems accept what you know intellectually? Here's what I mean: I can sit here all day and tell someone else that it's really pointless to seek validation from the affection of others--that self-esteem comes from within, blah, blah, blah. I've heard that a lot, and I've seen enough to believe it. But to accept that knowledge emotionally and put it into practice? Forget it.

(no subject)

So yeah, I was running late this morning, and I drove in to work, as I've been doing all too often lately. (Should be taking the bus.) And they towed my fucking car away because of snow removal. (As if they're ever going to remove it.) Oh yes. They got mine along with the cars of a couple of other people in the department, and they were still towing like crazy this afternoon. They must be making a killing today. As if I weren't broke enough, there's another 75 bucks out the window. Incredible.

Calgon, take me away. Quick, someone give me a reason not to go jump in the lake. Oh yeah, any lakes around here are probably frozen over and would only make me break a hip or something. Shit.

This is Charles Lee, the recently appointed president of my alma mater, Misipi State University. Does this man look like he can even read?!? He looks like he should be falling off the monkey bars or something. But then again, perhaps he's just the sort of figurehead a university featuring majors in weed science and turf management needs.





Yes, that's right, folks. Despite everything, I haven't lost the ability to push my own misery out of my mind by making fun of other people. Hooray for me.

I'm so tired of getting spam advertising girls licking horse dick, stroking gorilla weiner, sockkking on bull shlong, etc. Haven't these bastards learned yet that I'm into GOATS, for crying out loud? Oh, god, that reminds me. A while back when I was in a certain establishment that will name remainless (wasn't my idea, I promise), I saw on sale some sort of rubber or latex contraption that was supposed to be . . . well, there's just no good way to say this . . . a sheep vagina.

I do like the pitch in one recent e-mail I got: "One measly dollar, less than the price of a cup of coffee, gets you full access to the most extreme farm porn on the Net. What are you waiting for?" Isn't that cup of coffee bit the same one Feed the Children or something used to use? Who says this country is going down the tubes? When smutmongers mine charities' ad campaigns to hawk beast porn, that's progress, baby. *vomits*

OK, I'm off to play in traffic. Errrr, rather, pick up my car from the garage. Grrrrrrrrr.

(no subject)

He'll burn.