(no subject)

I just took the Yankee or Dixie quiz and got this result:

83% (Dixie). Did you have any Confederate ancestors?

Ancestors, hell. I've had Confederate neighbors.

People always say that Southerners call any soft drink Coke. I've never really noticed that. I dunno, maybe I sort of do it. Like if I'm driving with someone, sometimes I'll say, "Hey, let's stop and get a Coke." And what I mean is, hey, let's stop and get our beverages of choice. But nine times out of ten, I get a Coca-Cola, so when I say "get a Coke," I really mean a Coke. In some sense I mean it generically, but in some sense specifically. And I'd never order a Coke in a restaurant and expect them to ask me what kind of coke or anything. In that scenario, when I say Coke, I mean Coke. It pisses me off when I ask for a Coke and they give me a Pepsi. I mean, I understand most places have either Coke products or Pepsi products, but at least tell me that and let me pick something besides Pepsi, foul swill that it is. Forced to pick between "soda" and "pop," I'd probably choose "soda." (I like my Uncle Ray's choice: "sodey pop.") But I'm not too crazy about either one. I'd rather call it . . . um . . . "Coke or something." Yeah, that's what I say! "Let's stop and get a Coke or something." That way, we both know that I'm probably gonna have a Coke, but you're free to get a Cheerwine or a Lemon-Twist RC or whatever the kids are drinking these days.

Egad, I think way too much about Coke or something.

People always ask me (I mean, like every once in a while, not really always) how I pronounce "route." Well, it kinda depends on how I'm using it. Noun or verb? Having to do with a thoroughfare, a power tool, or a piece of computer equipment? These things matter. Hell, I don't even know that I'm consistent. I think I say "root 66" because of the song, but I think I say, for instance, "rout 389" because that's the way most people say it where I'm from.

I was horrified to learn from this quiz that many people pronounce "cot" and "caught" the same way. I guess I'd noticed it a little, but I didn't know it was that common. Anyone who pronounces these words the same way is going straight to hell. No two ways about it.

And I can honestly say that I've never heard of anyone putting groceries in a "poke." The quiz says it's common in central Appalachia, but I lived in SW Virginia for a couple of years and never heard it. I'm pretty sure of that, 'cuz I would have freaked. "A POKE?!? What the fuck do you mean?!?" Hey, is that what a pig in a poke is? A pig in a grocery bag?? And who would want to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear anyway? Wait, that's another topic entirely.

Likewise, I've never heard of anyone calling a roly-poly anything but a roly-poly. Potato bug, my ass. It's a roly-poly, people! LOOK at it! How could it possibly be anything else?

(no subject)

I'm finally getting a new computer at work! And not just a newer hand-me-down--a brand-new one! This is a very good thing. I've been bitching about this 166-mhz shitbox since I switched to this department close to two years ago. Ack, almost two years ago? Crazy. Anyway, it'll be so good to have a good computer. The one I have is such a POS that a lot of the time (like right now) I've been using my own laptop. But the department's getting five new ones, and we desperately need every one. A couple of the editors have ones even worse than mine, like 100 mhz. That just blows my mind. When I was a grad student at freaking Mississippi State University five years ago, I had a 266-mhz, and we upgraded it after a year! And here I am working at one of the world's richest universities, and we're working on computers so bad you couldn't give them to charity. But I think the new director of the press has seen that we lose a lot of productivity because of these junkers, so that's good.

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RIAA sued under laws aimed at gangsters

Fight the power!

(no subject)

In the eighth or ninth grade, Craig Nichols had an unfortunate altercation with Lori Anklam. They got into it over something, and before anyone knew what was happening, Lori took out a big kitchen knife and slashed at Craig. I wasn't there, but my friends and I heard about it soon after it happened. And just after we heard, the Vile Fiend and I saw Craig walking across the schoolyard. He had a gaping horizontal hole in his shirt, but he wasn't bleeding or anything, so I guess she didn't get any flesh, just the fabric. Anyway, one of us said, "Craig! What happened, man?" And he answered, with a crazed look, "She sliced me!" and kept right on going.

I've always loved the way he said that. It sounded a lot like this. But when I play the incident back in my head, it always slows down and sounds more like this. Funny how your brain can fuck with things. My brain, anyway.

(no subject)

Did someone die on the Simpsons last week? Tell me who!