(no subject)

I was sitting in a cafe and getting increasingly annoyed watching an older lady hold court among her group of socialite friends. When she gave the waitress shit and didn't tip, I could take no more, so when she looked my way, I flipped her a beautifully heartfelt bird. Mortifed, she squawked at her friends for a good minute and a half before sending some aged golfer type to come over and molest me.

I ripped the man's WIG off.

I ended up retaining a lawyer, whom I ended up calling a douchebag after he interrupted a meeting between me and my therapist in the food court.