(no subject)

OK, you foodie bastards have taken things way too far. Check out this article my mom sent me this weekend:

Beijing's penis emporium

There are many thousands of Chinese restaurants around in the UK and everyone has their favourite dish, but only in China itself do chefs specialise in a range of slightly more unusual delicacies.

The dish in front of me is grey and shiny.

"Russian dog," says my waitress Nancy.

"Big dog," I reply.

"Yes," she says. "Big dog's penis..."

We are in a cosy restaurant in a dark street in Beijing but my appetite seems to have gone for a stroll outside.

Nancy has brought out a whole selection of delicacies.

They are draped awkwardly across a huge platter, with a crocodile carved out of a carrot as the centrepiece.

Nestling beside the dog's penis are its clammy testicles, and beside that a giant salami-shaped object.

"Donkey," says Nancy. "Good for the skin..."

She guides me round the penis platter.

"Snake. Very potent. They have two penises each."

I did not know that.

What better way to secure a contract than over a steaming penis fondue.

(no subject)

Hmmmm. It seems that Dave Eggers is the screenwriter for an upcoming Spike Jonze–directed adaptation of Where the Wild Things Are. I'm very dubious about this.

Saturday I went to Birmingham to get a new monitor, and while I was over there, I went to see Little Miss Sunshine. I'd heard good things about it, but for some reason I was prepared not to like it—maybe because Greg Kinnear is in it. I dunno. But anyway, I ended up loving it. Smart, funny, and touching. Alan Arkin rules, and even Kinnear is good.

I'm going to start taking squirt guns to the movies with me so I can douse annoying people. There was a gang of aged flicktards who laughed uproariously at every other line in that movie. I mean, it was a funny movie, but not a laugh-a-minute yukfest—but these fools were like a Brady Bunch laugh track.

I've seen twenty fucking movies in the theater this year. I mean, not FUCKING movies, but, yanno, movies.

Do they even have adult cinemas anymore? That's gotta be a weird scene. I remember there being a XXX drive-in just outside the city limits of Starkville when I was growing up. It was funny as hell because it was owned by the same people who ran the straight theaters in town, so when you called their line to see what was playing, you'd get listings for all the movies at all their theaters. They had this cat with a raspy voice, and you'd hear: "Now playing at the State Theater, E.T. . . . Now playing at the Lakeside Drive-In, a big double feature: Young and Wet and Honeythroat."

Did I ever show y'all my MSU alumni coffee mug? Methinks they coulda used a proofreader.

(no subject)

People here call the campus bookstore the "Supe Store." As in supplies, I guess. But I didn't know what the fuck people were talking about the first few times I heard it. I thought it was, like, some kind of weird store that only sold soup.