wickedflea | (no subject)

This morning I dreamed that I was in a big-ass shopping mall in New York. (Do they even have big-ass malls in the city proper? I dunno.) I think I was there for an interview. I don't know why it was in a shopping mall--maybe I was going for a position at Orange Julius. Anyway, I was walking through the mall, feeling all dapper in my interview clothes, when a bunch of dandies in expensive suits walked by. They were all so affected and perfectly coiffed, and I smirked at their foppish asses. Just then, one of them stepped in front of me and I had to stop to avoid walking into him.

"Too sexy for Milan!" I said with a sneer.

The smarmy little guy looked back at me and replied, "Too sexy to do your face in doo doo."

I had no idea what that meant (and I still don't), but I had the feeling that he'd just zinged me with a bitingly clever barb. So naturally I did what any real man would do: I reached over and messed up his precious hair, which he'd probably spent all morning moussing. Then I ran away so he couldn't have me arrested for assault, which I'm sure he would have. Sissy man.