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Jul. 29th, 2003 09:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wickedfleaSo I'm in the convenience store kickin' it old-school and buying a Coke. Wannabe badass with a bald head and sideburns comes in and barks "Marbo Lights" at anyone and everyone. Then he looks out into the parking lot and starts cursing his friend out through the glass. "Motherfucker, don't be fuckin' wit' me!" I calmly complete my transaction, and right as I'm reaching for my change he slams a ten on the counter in front of me and again barks at the clerk, "Marbo LIGHTS." So I kinda take my sweet time getting out of his way, but he's not worried--he's standing there shucking and jiving. "I got heartburn like a MOTHERFUCKER!" I give him a "Whaddya want ME to do about it?" look and walk toward the door, stage-whispering "Christ . . ." as I leave. And of course dude says "WHAT?!?" like a true butthead. I wisely walk out to the car, adjust my fuzzy dice, and calmly leave.
Like my dad says, people are funnier than anybody.
On the way home I threw three fig newtons at people but wasn't lucky enough to hit anyone. I still need more practice. I can easily fling them frisbee-style out the passenger window with pretty good velocity (it's all in the wrist), but I'm still learning how to compensate for wind, speed of the car, etc. I must have put a really funky spin on the first one I threw today, 'cuz it was headed straight for some guy at the bus stop, but right when it got about five feet from him it hooked wildly left. But I'll perfect my technique, just you watch.
See, I told you people are funnier than anybody. I don't exclude myself.
Like my dad says, people are funnier than anybody.
On the way home I threw three fig newtons at people but wasn't lucky enough to hit anyone. I still need more practice. I can easily fling them frisbee-style out the passenger window with pretty good velocity (it's all in the wrist), but I'm still learning how to compensate for wind, speed of the car, etc. I must have put a really funky spin on the first one I threw today, 'cuz it was headed straight for some guy at the bus stop, but right when it got about five feet from him it hooked wildly left. But I'll perfect my technique, just you watch.
See, I told you people are funnier than anybody. I don't exclude myself.
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Date: 2003-07-29 06:45 pm (UTC)I never did get why someone shaves their head and keeps the sideburns. What is that, a free toaster when the bank goes belly-up?
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Date: 2003-07-29 07:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-29 06:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-29 07:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-29 07:36 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2003-07-29 06:52 pm (UTC)The car stalls.
The dude is inching closer and he's swearing and he's almost at us and the car starts up! Sweeeeeeeeeeet! But yeah, anytime you have leftover pizza and you don't want to eat it--I'm sure there are some bald guys on bicycles out there somewhere awaiting pizza wrath.
I knew I liked you for a reason:P
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Date: 2003-07-29 07:32 pm (UTC)Great story. Hilarious!
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Date: 2003-07-29 06:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-29 07:38 pm (UTC)*SPLORK*
*QUEEESH*
*SPLOINK*
And I'm glad you recognize that the old man wearing a Fedora walking a dog is at the top of the difficulty spectrum and thus deserves more points. That dude can MOVE.
"Zoiks! I've been Newton bombed!"
Date: 2003-07-29 07:42 pm (UTC)