(no subject)

[wickedflea]

Good night. I'm not one of those people who go around looking for things to be offended by, but sometimes it happens. One of my work responsibilities is keeping the reprint correction file, where we keep records of errors that might be fixed if a book is reprinted. So I just got a forwarded email from an author who wrote:

I've only found one typo, but here it is: Page 139, line 8, "things gets ugly." It should be, not surprisingly, since I don't come from the rural south, "things get ugly."

Who the fuck would say that? I mean, even if you were ignorant or misguided enough to think that only Southerners don't know proper grammar, that's not the kind of thing you send in a professional e-mail. Unless you're a pretentious sack of hot dog shit, that is. It's all I can do right now not to send her a snarky reply. Let's see what I can come up with.

Dear Ms. Fisher,

I do come from the rural south, and since moving away from there I've noticed that stupid people are everywhere. And while working at the press, I've discovered that some of them even write books. Imagine that.

cordially,
Savage Henry

I was also thinking of this:

deer Miz Fisher, ask yo mama. i'm sure she no alot about when things gets ugly. like when she had you. bitch.

Lonnie Dewayne

Comments

[buscemi.livejournal.com]

Awl this reeding is hard on my eyys.
--Charlie Brown

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

Maybe when I go home I'll see if I can find some of my old Peanuts books. I know I have that strip somewhere. I also want to find the one where Sally talks about having learned about spots and buttonhooks in school. Charlie Brown gives her that wonderful no-mouth blank look for a frame and then says, "Periods. Question marks."

[buscemi.livejournal.com]

Haha. I've been trying to find that "Awl..." comic for years.

[materialgurl.livejournal.com]

bitch!

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

For real. It just makes me want to get out my shotgun or spit tobacco juice on her or run her over with my pickup or somethin'. ;)

[dichotomous.livejournal.com]

bahahaha... I think I'm in love with Lonnie Dewayne...

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

As well you should be. He's one sexy bastard. ;)

[dichotomous.livejournal.com]

Send him my picture... see if he's free Friday, wouldja?

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

Actually he's flying into Atlanta on Friday. Lemme know if you want to meet him at the gate. :)

[taffetaroses.livejournal.com]

as an offended rural southerner, i say go for the second :O)

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's definitely the better of the two. And DAMN, I'm really having to talk myself out of sending it. :)

[mipplet.livejournal.com]

I work with authors like that, too. What the hell is wrong with people?!

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

Man, I dunno. Damn, that pissed me off--I could just feel that whole nudge-nudge vibe of, "Oh, I can say this because we're all smart people, ho ho ho . . ." The editor who was the original recipent of the e-mail tried to tell me that the author was probably just saying that because she'd lived in the South for a while, so it was probably just that thing of "I can say that because I'm one of them." Bull fucking shit. She said it right there: "I don't come from the rural south."

[elmcityqueen.livejournal.com]

i think some of the only times i've ever *really* LOL'd when i've typed LOL have been when i've read your journal.

holy crap.

LOL LOL LOL

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

Awww, shucks--thanks. :)

*takes a bow*

[jetjet.livejournal.com]

dEER myster wikted flee, dat was veri funi...
hahahahahahah

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

he he thank yew ;)

[carocrow.livejournal.com]

Nah... just two words... YANKEE SUMBITCH!

These MA folks, even the ones who haven't had the door of higher academia whack them in the seat, seem to feel they can feel superior to Southerners.

Carpetbaggers.

I can't even abide some of the folks I've had to deal with back home, but I can tell you one thing... there are rednecks everywhere.

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I would never claim that we don't have some stupid-idiot-moron-jerks in the South, but when someone acts like the South is the only place to have them . . . yeeeesh. I just want to slap some people right across the face with a big ol' catfish.

[4hour-ramona.livejournal.com]

is that considered an act of northern agression?

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

Definitely. Northern aggression is all over the place if ya look hard enough. :)

[theodicy.livejournal.com]

oh flea! be mine!

*swoons*

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

SCORE! I knew I'd getcha one day!!

[theodicy.livejournal.com]

Tee hee!

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

People are amazing. :)

[wretchmuffin.livejournal.com]

Crush the swine. Manners like this deserve nothing less.
If you give me her email, I'll spam her in the shattered English of rural Southeast Idaho . . .