wickedflea | (no subject)

I'm too polite -- I swear to god I am. I was at the bus stop the other day and saw some old codger trying to make small talk with a lady who was about to board the bus. She mumbled, "Yeah, yeah, uh-huh," as the line moved along. When she finally got on, the man looked at me, shook his head, and said, "She don't give a SHIT!" I laughed and said, "Obviously!"

Only one word, and I'd said too much. The guy spent the next ten minutes lecturing me about how nobody cares about anything but money. That was the gist of it, anyway, though I got lost in the details of his speech as he tried to illustrate his point by citing the arrogant posturing and mindless lyrics of rap and hard rock acts. "That's BULLSHIT!" he spat. All I was doing the whole time was nodding, smiling, and occasionally saying "sure" or "absolutely."

Finally the old man's bus came. Actually, it was my bus too, but I didn't want to continue our conversation, so I waited another couple of minutes for the next one.

My escape was short-lived, however. Today the same old dude accosted me and started on the same shit. He babbled on about how Yale and "that fag of a mayor" dominate the town and don't care about anyone. Again I nodded politely. And what do you think the fucking coot did? He mocked me for nodding like an idiot. "Yeah, yeah," he said, nodding his head slowly. "You say you understand, but you don't."

"Yeah, I'm kind of dim," I said. "You'll just have to excuse me."

"No, no -- that's not what I'm saying. Only 1/10 of 1 percent of the people I speak to understand what I'm teaching." He stepped closer. "I used to get paid a lot of money to give these speeches," he told me. "How do you think I lived to be 80 years old?"

Oh brother, I thought, nearly choking on the gin fumes he was expelling.

The bus mercifully showed up about then, and we both boarded. I made sure to head straight for the back of the bus and sit next to someone else.

I wish I knew how to deal with these types, because I think I attract them. If there's a crackpot within thirty miles of me, he'll find me and let me in on his theories of the universe.

Maybe one of these days, after I've gotten used to living in more urban surroundings, I'll be able to deal with such people more effectively. I long for the day when I can rudely scream, "Whaddya want from me, huh? I'm just tryina catch the bus here!"