wickedflea | (no subject)

Didn't get a chance to respond to quite everyone, but thanks so much for all the comments about me and Keith yesterday. It means a lot. It's been tough dealing with that over the years. For a long time I felt guilty because I didn't understand what it meant when he died. I just wasn't that sad when he died. And intellectually I've known for a long time that I couldn't help that--how can a 5-year-old comprehend death? But it was only six or seven years ago that I really accepted that and forgave myself. And since then I've had moments when I got sad about the whole thing, but it was only yesterday that I really sat down and grieved for Keith. I wish so much that we'd gotten to grow up together. I wish that he'd had the chance to become . . . whatever he would have become, you know? And I wish he were here to do all of this with. Life, that is. So, while yesterday didn't feel good, I know it was good. For once I wasn't crying primarily for my parents' loss, but for me and for Keith.