i like lard

I wanna be a drug sniffing-dog
So I can snort coke all day long
Bite my master when it suits me
Get off on diminished capacity

I wanna be a customs man
Snoop through your stuff 'cos I can
Sneaky-Peaky pry through your private lives
Stroke your panties jackin' off at lunch

Wah-Oh, Weh-Oh-Ho!
Sure beats Alpo

It's the life
It's the stink
It's the attitude

I wanna be a San Francisco cop
So I can speed and run red lights
And sure as Rodney was a King
We got ways to make you sing

We can seize everything
Houses, cars and life savings
Keep the loot for ourselves
Fake drug charge works every time

I wanna join the Christian Coalition
So I can molest my children
None suspect me 'cos I've been saved
Til my stepdaughter drowns her kids in a lake

Weh-Oh, Weh-Oh-Ho!
Spare rod
Spoil the child

It's the life
It's the stink
Choose your masks

(no subject)

Have you ever heard or read George Carlin's list of people he can do without? It's pretty funny -- features entries like "a surgeon with 'Born To Lose' tattooed on his forehead."

I'm starting my list with these people:

The two-tons-of-fun couple who sit on opposite ends (not sides) of the bus and call each other "honey" and "baby" above the roar of the air conditioner and the engine. And all the while their big bellies are hanging out and flopping all over the place. I mean, damn, I'm not exactly svelte, but I don't go around wearing an Indians shirt that I got for free at Shibe Park in 1981 either. At least get some duct tape or whatever the fuck you need and fix yourself in place, Clyde.

The guy who tries to sell me cologne on the street. I don't wear cologne, so I'm not even going to go into Macy's and get it from one of those chicks in the lab coats; I'm certainly not going to buy it from some guy on the street who smells like he crawled out of a dumpster his damn self.

(no subject)

I'm excited about this book-writing thing. I've been wanting to sink my teeth into something and just write the fuck out of it. Do you know what I mean? When you get on a topic and just dominate it and make it call you daddy -- that's what I'm talking about. I can't wait. I just have to finish up a couple of freelance projects before I begin in earnest; I'm shooting for Labor Day weekend as a start date. Meanwhile, I'm making notes, psyching myself up, punching sides of beef in a meat freezer, training with Burgess Meredith -- Apollo Creed is MINE! ALL MINE!!!

Oh, sorry. I got carried away.