(no subject)

I have heard many weird noises in this apartment, but tonight takes the cake. I truly believe that someone upstairs was having sex with a dishwasher. The appliance, not a person. I can't even begin to describe the sound. There was gushing and pumping and . . . it's too horrible. I'm seriously freaked out.

(no subject)

I'm still haunted by that noise I heard late last night. I'm debating going up and confronting the people upstairs -- not so much to complain, but just to find out what the hell it was. It came from the kitchen area, sounded like someone churning butter or pumping the stomach of a sea otter, and got progressively louder for several minutes, only stopping after I yelled "WHAT THE FUCK" a couple of times. I suspect witchcraft.

(no subject)

I just found an envelope where I'd jotted down something I heard on the bus one day:

girl #1: Mary gave her a bangin'-ass bridal shower at the 7-11.

girl #2: I hope that motherfucker's weddin' blow the fuck up. I don't like the bitch.

(no subject)

When you've lost your keys or your billfold, and you think you've looked absolutely everywhere, do you ever open the refrigerator and take a look just for the hell of it? Sometimes I do. I've never found anything that way, though. Today, however, I opened the refrigerator to get some water out, and my billfold was in there. I shit you not. Good thing I wasn't looking for it.

(no subject)

Don't buy Seagate hard drives. I have a 30-gig Seagate that I -- well, this is the fourth one they've sent me over the past two years or so, and I'm about to send it back again. I've never had a problem with my Quantum drives.