(no subject)

[wickedflea]

This is what my mail routinely looks like when I get it out of the box. Not after I leave it in the car for a week. The minute I take it out of the freaking box. Fuckass mailman. I've never lived anywhere where the mail delivery is this screwy. Right after I moved up here I was expecting a check from Dad and a new Social Security card, and neither ever showed up. Look at those envelopes! The red ones are Netflix DVDs! I'm gonna be pissed if any of 'em are cracked.

Wow, am I captivating today or WHAT? I think next I'll post about my ingrown toenail and how many pairs of mismatched socks I have.

Comments

Down with the USA postal service

[motherevol.livejournal.com]

Man, every time I'm on the phone with my boyfriend, the doorbell rings and it's the same UPS man with another delivery. Apparently my Mother has a QVC ordering fetish.

Anyway, today he rang, I signed off on the package, and he said, "Do you have that phone permanently attached to your ear, or what?" So, I tell him I'm a phone sex operator and he just fucked up my verbal mojo. I thanked him for putting a dent in my John's package too.

He walked away snickering. Personally, I didn't think it was all that funny until I shut the door.

Gah, do you see how incredibly bored I am over here?!

Re: Down with the USA postal service

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

Awesome!!! We are definitely cut from the same material, my friend. I LOVE fucking with people like that. I particularly enjoy telling telemarketers that I've just severed my right foot when they ask me how I am this evening. And then there was the AOL operator who was just flabbergasted when I told her that I used the Internet solely for shoe shopping and that the only way I would let my free trial membership continue was if they sent me free shoes. At one point she actually offered to send me some pumps from her collection, but somehow we got off the phone before we ironed out the details.

I thanked him for putting a dent in my John's package too.

You are the master.

[motherevol.livejournal.com]

See, this is why my friend's back in Chi-town miss me. I usually spew all this comedic drivel from my cock holster after a few martinis. A girl loves an appeTEASER that will make her foam at the mouth and digress into a babbling shitstirrer.

Until then, I'll continue to fook with the UPS dude. ;)