(no subject)

[wickedflea]

This is what my mail routinely looks like when I get it out of the box. Not after I leave it in the car for a week. The minute I take it out of the freaking box. Fuckass mailman. I've never lived anywhere where the mail delivery is this screwy. Right after I moved up here I was expecting a check from Dad and a new Social Security card, and neither ever showed up. Look at those envelopes! The red ones are Netflix DVDs! I'm gonna be pissed if any of 'em are cracked.

Wow, am I captivating today or WHAT? I think next I'll post about my ingrown toenail and how many pairs of mismatched socks I have.

Comments

[goatsupreme.livejournal.com]

I'm going to send you some mail with a big "Caution: Do Not Bend" on it just to see how fucked up it gets.

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

Good idea! I was gonna say that you should write "EXTREMELY HARDCORE PORN" on it like you did to Kate that time, but I KNOW the bastard would steal it!

[buscemi.livejournal.com]

Baltimore is rumored to have the worst mail service in the country. A writer friend of mine said his mail carrier would head to a bar in the middle of the day. One time, the carrier handed him a stack of mail that had been sitting in the truck for 3 weeks! Gah.

[mipplet.livejournal.com]

I was frightened last summer when this freaky girl that went to my high school was delivering my mail. She told me that the post office has some kind of summer job program for college students, and she was playing mailman, but she was dressed in shorts and a t-shirt and was driving a minivan. Very strange. Sure enough, I saw her again this summer, and she's still delivering the mail. Very strange.

Down with the USA postal service

[motherevol.livejournal.com]

Man, every time I'm on the phone with my boyfriend, the doorbell rings and it's the same UPS man with another delivery. Apparently my Mother has a QVC ordering fetish.

Anyway, today he rang, I signed off on the package, and he said, "Do you have that phone permanently attached to your ear, or what?" So, I tell him I'm a phone sex operator and he just fucked up my verbal mojo. I thanked him for putting a dent in my John's package too.

He walked away snickering. Personally, I didn't think it was all that funny until I shut the door.

Gah, do you see how incredibly bored I am over here?!

Re: Down with the USA postal service

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

Awesome!!! We are definitely cut from the same material, my friend. I LOVE fucking with people like that. I particularly enjoy telling telemarketers that I've just severed my right foot when they ask me how I am this evening. And then there was the AOL operator who was just flabbergasted when I told her that I used the Internet solely for shoe shopping and that the only way I would let my free trial membership continue was if they sent me free shoes. At one point she actually offered to send me some pumps from her collection, but somehow we got off the phone before we ironed out the details.

I thanked him for putting a dent in my John's package too.

You are the master.

[motherevol.livejournal.com]

See, this is why my friend's back in Chi-town miss me. I usually spew all this comedic drivel from my cock holster after a few martinis. A girl loves an appeTEASER that will make her foam at the mouth and digress into a babbling shitstirrer.

Until then, I'll continue to fook with the UPS dude. ;)

[wickedqueen.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHA, you don't know how funny I found your post!!

My bastard of a mailman bent my Dean's List certificate this semester. He used to stop and eat sandwiches at the beer distributor down the street. Still though, he was better than the bastards that deal with campus mail, at least in my first dorm...

[wickedflea.livejournal.com]

Gah! She's stalkin' ya, Mip. Be careful out there.

But seriously, that is weird. I would have thought there were all sorts of federal regulations regarding who could carry the mail. But who knows? They hired Newman. Oh, wait, that's Seinfeld. TV. Fiction. Not real, Flea. *slaps brain*

daaaaamn

[dkt2.livejournal.com]

Holy shit! You have to be kidding. That's some fugged up mess there. That mess has to be intentional. He was probably trying to ravage through it to look for da porn milk.

Re:

[goatsupreme.livejournal.com]

Oh, the endless possibilities...

Your mailman is in for a treat!!

Re:

[mipplet.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I thought so, too. Guess not!